A love letter to my step daughter:
Dear sweet girl,
I feel you’re in a strange, unsure place right now. Your Dad feels it too and it’s disconcerting for him. He wants to take on those causing you pain to rescue and defend you. I also know that sometimes, we damsels in distress don’t need rescuing! We just need time to put the puzzle together for ourselves. I think that might be where you are. So I suggested your Dad call and ask your permission before he went riding into a situation he’s only seeing from the outside. I’m glad he did. I’m glad you were honest with him. I’m not involved in all the drama but I do have some things I want to say to you.
And the first thing is: you are going to be ok! You have this gift of giggly joy that’s infectious to those around you. You have this kind spirit that just thinks we should all get along! You also struggle to make life the way your kindness thinks it should always be. And therein lies your challenge.
You may have been a contributor to a small upheaval in life recently, but let me get this through to you…YOU are NOT the ‘reason’! I really want you to hear me when I say guilt is not your friend. You may have engaged in some dramatic, adrenalin filled emotional decisions. You may have walked in some hurt and confusion and got a little lost along the way for a minute, but baby girl…we all do! We all make mistakes, wrong choices, say and do strange things! It’s called being human! But everyone owns a piece of that memory. Each person is responsible for their own contribution. And I just want you to know from where I stand, from a more objective viewpoint…it WAS NOT and IS NOT all you!
You are a good Mom, a good wife and I have watched you grow into this amazing woman. And I am proud of who you are becoming! Deciding what you can and cannot handle in a healthy way is a GOOD thing. And putting your self, your husband and your kids first is right and a good choice.
You and I even had our adjustment moments at first…weird times of being a blended family. But goodness and love and kindness won out and I respect you in the deepest parts of my heart. You’re one of mine and I love you!
Keep walking! Keep striving for goodness and wholeness and joy. Forgive others and their emotionally charged choices, but most importantly forgive yourself! We are all human. It’s NOT all your fault. And time is your friend.
I just want you to know that I love you. And I believe in you and it’s going to be alright…one day, one step, one choice at a time.
Be you and this world is a better place for it!